By NUR HAZILAH BINTI ABDUL QAYYUM
I HAVE been married for 26 years and not once have I exchanged any harsh words with my mother-in-law, although at times she drives me up the wall over trivial things.
When I got married, my mum’s advice to me was, “Just accept your mother-in-law as your own mother and you will never have problems.” I guess I have followed her words closely.
Mum got to know my mother-in-law at the wedding and they instantly became great buddies. Both of them can live together for months and go on holidays together. It’s a blessing for me that they speak highlyly of each other. I seldom have to phone mum as my mother-in-law calls her every other day and gives me the news on what’s happening with her.
My mother-in-law is a very meticulous person who doesn’t make demands on others. She works by the clock and is very particular about doing things on time.
I was hospitalised a few times and all those times, she really took very good care of me, particularly my diet, following the doctors’ instructions. After my daughters were born, I used to stay with my in-laws and she would bathe and feed the babies and change their nappies.
She has two other daughters-in-law and the best part is she doesn’t talk bad about any of us. She loves all our children equally and is ever ready to feed us. She prefers to do the housework and cooking by herself; at 80 now, she still insists on staying in her own house.
I try not to leave her alone for too long and make it a point to have lunch with her every day and ensure that she takes her medication. After lunch, we’ll sit and chat and I’ll listen to her old stories, which she has told me a thousand times.
My children are very close to both their grandmothers. They work and live in Kuala Lumpur, but whenever they come down to Klang, both will go to their grandma’s first before coming home. If they have nothing to do they will spend the night there and come home in the morning after having grandma’s breakfast.
They have also learnt to listen to old stories over and over again without any complaint. They seem to handle their grandma very well; they pull at her small ponytail and joke with her. They take their friends to her house and talk about boys with her. That shocked me because my husband couldn’t talk about girls with his mother in those days.
One day, my daughter came from school and expressed surprise that her friends are not close to their father’s mother. I guess as parents, we should let our children bond with their grandparents as that bond is very important in a child’s life.
My hubby has only one sister, who has been the binding agent for all of us. My children were practically raised by her as we used to live in the same area; many people thought she was their mother, not me.
The first time I went to my in-laws after my marriage, I found a spoon, made some drinks, then left it elsewhere. My mother-in-law was upset when she couldn’t find the spoon where she had left it.
My sister-in-law then told me this: “To make my mum happy, put whatever you take back in the same place.” I’ve followed this closely all these years, even though I don’t do it in my house.
I pray that my children will be blessed with a mother-in-law like mine. If anything were to happen to her, I guess I’d be the most affected now that my nest is almost empty and I spend lots of time with her. I thank God for the wonderful person He has blessed us with.
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